Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Straight Masturbation Buddies; the Truth.

Masturbation buddies

I read an article the other day, written by my close friend Conran, all about straight men and their fascination with cock. You can read the article on his site here:

He's done a lot of research into the subject and has even written a book aptly named "Seven Pints". I've been lucky enough to see the first draft, and I have to say it was fascinating.
I don't think he'd kill me if I shared a few details and discussed some of what he's written.

It's all about "heteroflexible" men, and what drives otherwise straight men to engage in male/male sex. Of course, he specifically focuses on masturbation, and completed several Internet surveys asking heterosexual guys from all walks of life about their views on porn, sex, male/male relationships and jerking off...

Apart from his own research he points out the complete lack of existing data when it comes to male/male mutual masturbation. Many sexologists and sex research projects have completely neglected the discussion of male/male masturbation. Considering this sexual act is the most widespread, it seems deliberate that this had not been mentioned throughout these surveys.

He also discusses social conditioning, why in some cultures it is considered normal to have a male and female sexual partners, how it has been viewed historically.

Something that he provides evidence for is the desire amongst men who consider themselves to be straight to have male masturbation partners.
An amazing number of guys who identify as heterosexual openly accept that, if they had the opportunity, they would watch porn and jerk-off with a male partner. Many also state that they would like nothing more than to stroke another guys dick.

The book also explores the appreciation of porn. One thing that has fascinated me for years is exactly why straight men watch porn of well-hung, muscular guys fucking girls, and why the cum shot is so vital. Surely if there is no interest in cock from these straight male viewers, such scenes would be far less appreciated than they are?

And the data shows that the vast majority of heterosexual men surveyed admit that they enjoy watching male masturbation. They openly admit that watching guys wanking is a part of their porn viewing. And when they say this they don't mean a movie with a thirty second clip of the male lead beating off for the appreciation of his female co-star, they mean genre specific male masturbation porn, footage of a single guy (and often more than one) jerking-off, no ladies present.

I was skeptical to begin with, until I saw the data for myself. He let me go through the survey process, sift through the results, and I can confirm that the evidence he presented to me was valid.

Conran also used the video sharing site Xtube.com to confirm some evidence that he'd found relating to the straight male appreciation of cock.
Sifting through profiles of men who identify themselves as straight, he found that a large number (reflecting the figures he'd found in the surveys he'd created) had favorite clips selected featuring male solo and duo masturbation.
Amongst their usual heterosexual porn clips, a large number of these straight guys had also listed male/male masturbation porn as favorites.
He also noted that one of the most popular member groups on the site was for straight men who enjoy male mutual masturbation.

Conran concludes, after so much evidence and discussion, that men, regardless of self described sexual orientation, have a fetish for masturbation, and for cock. They may not have any appreciation for the rest of a male body, or the person that cock belongs to, but a massive number of heterosexual men would like to share this hobby with other guys.

Of course all of this got me to thinking, why don't more men do this with male friends if it's so desired? Or are they and it's just not talked about?

Personally, I believe that far more men than we currently think enjoy some porn together and get their dicks out to stroke. It's just not talked about. These men don't know they're in a majority, that there are millions of other guys just like them. They're in a society where something like sharing masturbation casts doubt on their manliness. The truth is, it doesn't. No sexual act "makes" a guy gay or bi.

After considering this, I thought about how I found some of my straight male masturbation partners, what I'd done to make them know it was great fun, how I'd managed to keep such friends for so long.

Conran is considering adding a section to his book explaining the do's and don'ts of male/male mutual masturbation, so I thought I'd do something similar here.

  • Let's NOT talk about sex Nothing is going to turn a straight guy off more than debating the sexual motivations of any act. If you have a straight guy in mind that you want to wank with, mentioning sexuality is no-go zone. I'd even suggest this is a banned subject if either guy is bisexual (bisexuality is varied, not all guys who consider themselves bi or curious are entirely accepting of their own sexual desires). Some consider themselves bi-curious and only like watching porn of guys, and discussing their sexuality is going to do nothing but scare them.

  • Create comfortable nudity You need to try to make sure that both you and your straight mate are comfortable with cock being out in the open. Create opportunities to be naked, walk out of the shower butt naked the next time you're both getting ready for a night out, flash him occasionally as a joke, go to the gym together. If you can find opportunities for him to see your cock hard, even better. If you never let him see your cock, he'll think it's a normal boundary for you. A good example of this working for me was with my best mate Garry. He'd take the piss out of me for something, and I'd reply with "suck my fat one", one time he said OK (as a joke), so I got my cock out. We laughed and moved on, but it soon became a routine, and within a month we were flashing our dicks at each other almost every day. This created a familiarity, and further curiosity. We knew what the other guys cock looked like, we knew neither was hung like a donkey, but that neither had anything to be ashamed of. We accepted that the other had a cock, that it wasn't anything to view as taboo.

  • Create opportunity Possibly the most important rule is to create opportunities that your mate just can't pass up. I did this with Garry by making sure there was porn around. We were at my place, I was finishing off some work while we had a beer and I asked him to grab me a file from my room. I'd left a porn DVD case on the floor in front of the TV that he couldn't help but almost trip over. He came back with the file and didn't say a word. I began to doubt, until later that night after a few more beers I suggested watching a film and he vanished at lightning speed to return with the porn.

  • Keep it fun You're not married to your mate but it is a close enough relationship. Once you get to regular wank sessions with a straight guy, you need to keep it fun by creating new experiences. Rent new porn, stuff that you know he'll like. Buy male masturbation toys, lubes and oils, there are lots of ways to keep it interesting, so don't give him the chance to get bored. Invest in something cool like a Tenga Flip Hole if you're sure he won't have a problem sharing, or maybe buy something cheaper for each of you. But you do need to invest in this friendship and sexual adventure for it to pay off.
  • Keep it friendly if you're gay or bi, know the limits of your relationship. It is not acceptable to grab his cock unless you know for certain that he wants this. Do not simply assume that because you've been jacking off together every week for six months that you are going to end up sucking his cock. Many straight guys limit this experience to stroking out a load side-by-side while watching porn and occasionally watching each other. Not all guys will progress to even stroking their buddies cock, so don't assume that this will definitely happen.

  • Maintain trust at all cost It is never acceptable for you to ever mention to any person, animal, tree or rock that your best mate likes to get his dick out and stroke with you! It doesn't matter if you're certain that a person you want to blab to doesn't know the guy, you cannot know this for certain. Things like this can destroy a guy if it ever gets out. Regardless of any pride or security you feel in your sexuality, you do not have the right to make such decisions for anyone else. Keep it between you. If you cannot do this, you don't deserve the basic friendship to begin with.

  • Let him lead You are not needing safety, security and trust here, he is. Let him decide if he wants you to suck his cock. Always move at his pace, just pushing the boundaries inch by inch carefully where possible. It's just not on to reach over one evening and tickle his balls without an invite.

  • Progressing Most male/male mutual masturbation friendships follow a distinct path:
  • you have a male friend you want to wank with,
  • you build trust and familiarity with nudity,
  • you create the opportunity to stroke together with porn,
  • you mention needing to beat-off, he agrees,
  • you ask if he minds if you have a tug, likelihood is he'll say he doesn't mind,
  • you unzip and start playing, he'll likely follow,
  • you get your hard cock out into the open, he'll take a few secret glimpses and after a little while will likely do the same (if he doesn't don't push it, just carry on and enjoy the fact that he's watching you).
  • after two or three sessions of this, introduce something new, like a Fleshlight or a Vibrating Vagina or some Lube and carefully become closer using it. Offer to let him use the toy, show him how you use it, hold it for him. I used lube with my best mate to get closer. We'd stroked together three times when I bought some Lube XXX. We were watching porn, had been stroking for about half an hour, and I produced the bottle of lube and squirted a generous amount in my hand. Too much, rather inconveniently! I exclaimed that I'd perhaps wasted so much of it, and then held my hand out over his cock and slowly stroking fist and said "you want some?" I was expecting him to either decline or transfer lube from my hand to his, instead he stopped stroking and gripped his cock by the root for me to apply it. I lubed him up and carried on that way for a little while, making jokes like "you'd better not try to snog me" and "I know my hand feels great but it doesn't mean we're married". After about five minutes of me stroking him he reached over and began stroking my dick in return.
  • introduce porn that breaks the boundaries. Try some bisexual porn where a guy sucks another guy and see what your mates response is. If, and only if, you think he might be open to the idea (you should have a good understanding of him by now) perhaps offer to suck him. If you have any doubts, if you have a slight suspicion that he'll freak out at the idea, do not even consider mentioning it. I did this with Garry after about two months of stroking together (and each other). I bought a bisexual DVD where the babe of the piece demands that her two male friends wank each other, then suck each other. I said to Garry that I'd done that a few years before in a threesome and he laughed and ridiculed. But it got his interest. When I told him that having a guy suck my dick was far better than a woman, and asked him if he'd suck mine, he paused for a moment or two and then said "only if you do me first". We ended up in a 69 on the sofa, each shooting his load down the others throat.
I have never moved beyond using anal toys with male friends, and I really have little interest in doing so. But I have no doubt that Garry (and a few of my other male masturbation buddies) would explore this if it was suggested.

I suppose there is one lesson in all of this; male friendship is a special animal. It can include sex, and fun, and even love in just the right amounts if we are willing to work at it. Men can be men around each other, and we can share things without it making any of us "weaker". Many men do all of these things, we just don't discuss it. Men get married, have kids, create great loving relationships with women. But their friendships, masculinity and male bonding can and often does include an element of sex.

Well, that's all on this for now. I think I'll revisit this again in the future and maybe explore my friendship with Garry for the benefit of readers.

Let me know what you think. Do you have a friend yet, or want one? Any advice you'd like from an experienced guy?